A RELATE (marriage guidance) technique for putting the passion back into long-term relationships
BOTH people must commit to giving each other the CERTAINTY that no one leaves for 90 days and that they both will do what ever it takes to live in Level 3.
What is level 3? – The levels are defined as:-
Level 1 – You are in the relationship and thinking WHAT CAN I GET?
Level 2 – WIN / WIN – Trade offs – most marriages are based in level 2 which is – I do this for you if you do this for me (typically the Man is Barclays Bank the Woman is sperm Bank!)
Level 3 – What can I GIVE?
The aim is BOTH people live in Level 3 (GIVE) fully for 90 days (it’s only the next 3 months!)
Both partners have to play full out and commit to level 3 for the full 3 months
At the end of 90 days then a new decision (leave or stay) can be made (no such thing as a problem just a decision to make and when you feel that you can’t make a decision the decision is to set a time limit to review the situation; in this case in 90 days )
Usually if BOTH have followed this to the letter then based on the environment of giving to each other the old passions about why you both fell in love in the first place (the lust phase) are rekindled and you both end up wanting to build on this. You both could even decide on another 90 day commitment and so on…
Remember the times and the things that the other person loves; go back into your mind to all the happy memories shared, particularly when in the lust phase of the first year* of the relationship.
For example you may like to cook together – take in turns to make each other’s favourite meal. (*Initial lust phase lasts from 3 months to 2 years)
Make a list separately of all the things you love to do – compare the list – if there are things you both love to do – great do them – if not start with something that’s similar – then give to the other by doing something from each others list
GIVE = Make the other person feel loved, accepted and appreciated.
ASK = What has to happen in order for you to feel love?
”Happiness is a perfume you can not pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Masculine anger is always because you are feeling constrained, trapped by life.
Feminine anger is always because you are feeling unloved.
Communicate: When you don’t know a persons struggle……… what looks like laziness is often exhaustion!
Human beings can’t process love & fear at the same time. If fear is stopping you from giving read on….
Including audio from Peter Sage about the difference between men and women.
Listen to the link, it may challenge some of your beliefs about relationships and why they work and why our intimate love relationships can be so challenging.